It’s a great day until you tell your toddler no. Suddenly, your child transforms and jumps into a full-blown temper tantrum.
“These are emotional outbursts young children can have,” says Dr. Lauren Webb, instructor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medicine. “Tantrums occur when kids experience really big feelings they don’t have the skills to handle or cope with yet.”
Keep reading to learn more about this normal part of child development and how you can help prevent them or move past them.
Why Toddlers Have Temper Tantrums
There are many reasons toddlers are prone to tantrums. Common triggers include:
- Fatigue
- Frustration
- Hunger
- Undeveloped communication skills
Most of your child’s temper tantrums occur from age 12 months to 3 years. During this time, your child may have at least one tantrum a day, according to the National Institutes of Health. These fits are less common after age 3 and rare after age 5.
During tantrums, your child may scream, cry, throw things, flail around violently, become limp and fall to the ground, hit or bite. These tantrums typically can last from a few minutes to 15 minutes. Afterward, your child’s behavior returns to normal.
Strategies to Prevent and Manage Meltdowns
Some temper tantrums are inevitable, but there are some ways that you can try to avoid them.
Here’s what you can do to reduce the number of tantrums your toddler throws and minimize their effect.
Preventing Temper Tantrums
To stop a tantrum before it begins, try these tips.
- Choose your battles. Your child has to wear a seatbelt and a bicycle helmet. However, your child doesn’t have to wear matching clothes. Let your child win small battles that don’t have long-term consequences. Alternatively, you can give them the choice to choose what they can control, i.e. asking them if they want to put on their seatbelt or their helmet first.
- Look for warning signs. “You might see their little feet stomping and their little fists balling up, or they may get an edge in their tone,” Dr. Webb says. “When you notice this, try to validate their emotions while still maintaining your limit, and praise them for behaviors that are going well (for example, you can praise them for using gentle hands even while they are whining).”
- Minimize triggers. If hunger or tiredness leads to temper tantrums, keep food on hand for vulnerable moments and reconsider your child’s nap schedule or bedtime.
Putting an End to the Tantrum
Despite your efforts, some temper tantrums sneak through. When they do, here’s how to bring them to an end.
- Call for a time-out. When a child is throwing a tantrum, put the child in a time-out that lasts about three minutes for every year of age. Communicate to children what behaviors will result in a time-out and be consistent with implementing time-outs for these behaviors.
- Ignore minor attention-seeking behaviors. Kids may tantrum to gain attention. To stop minor attention-seeking behaviors, such as whining or crying, it may help to ignore them.
- Protect your child’s safety. When a tantrum puts your child in harm’s way, move your child to a safe place to prevent injury.
- Remain calm. As you explain the consequences for unacceptable behavior, try to use a neutral tone of voice. Maintain your composure and use the language your child understands. Take a break if you need it.
- Seek help. “When temper tantrums start to get in the way of your child’s life or your family’s life,” Dr. Webb says, “it’s time to seek help.”
In Summary: How to Quell Temper Tantrums
Temper tantrums can seem to come out of nowhere, but they’re a normal part of development. With a few steps, you can help your child have fewer tantrums and move through them safely.
- Tantrums occur when your child experiences big emotions they do not yet have the skills to process. Common triggers include fatigue, frustration, and communication difficulties.
- You can reduce the number of tantrums your child throws by understanding your child’s triggers and vulnerabilities, choosing your battles wisely and knowing the warning signs of an impending tantrum.
- When your child throws a tantrum, stay calm, keep your child safe, and seek help if appropriate.
Need a helping hand with your child’s temper tantrums? Find a doctor at Weill Cornell Medicine today.
